An Open, but Skeptical Mind

12/12/11
Recently, I was thinking about the approach I want to take to the Colorado symposium I’m going to attend in June. I thought about how I didn’t like some of the things that Mr. B--- said during Tri-State weekend – about how I found that I actually disagreed with him a few times.

Do I have a right to disagree?

I mean, I’m a wee college student who doesn’t really know anything yet. By disagreeing with Mr. B---, was I making an intellectual decision, or was I just ignorantly pushing his views aside because they were different from what I’ve seen so far?

This was my conclusion: I don’t know very much, so I have to be willing to accept all views and opinions I encounter. How else am I supposed to grow? But I still have to be skeptical. Because – if I adopt every single opinion, I won’t develop my own personal philosophy. So it’s okay that I didn’t agree with Mr. B--- the entire time.

An open, but skeptical mind… that’s what I will have. I need to go into that symposium ready to learn from everyone. I will allow myself to question, but I must always know why I’m questioning – and it certainly can’t be because “Dr. R----- doesn’t do that.”

Although I DID learn a lot from Mr. B---, there were some things I didn't like. Here are the things I disagreed with:

• I didn’t like how he was trying to make everything bigger. He made it seem like the conductor’s responsibility was to overdo the gestures in order for the music to do anything. I don’t like that. I think that conductors who are big like that… don’t really accomplish much more than spectacle – entertainment for the audience. I like the idea of being small and leaving more responsibility to the ensemble. And – if you are consistently smaller, they will adapt. They are sensitized to the subtlety. Then you can do gestures and get a response without having to over-conduct.

• He did this cut off a few times during “Ellington Suite” and I noticed it wasn’t ever together. I also just didn’t like the look of it. BUT I know why it didn’t work. He swung his left arm off to the side and then made a fist. It was like two cut offs! Some people stopped when his hand stopped, others stopped when he made the fist. That gesture probably works for a more professional level ensemble, but it just didn't seem to cut it for the high school honor band.

Thanks to Mr. B---, I finally distinguished between a conductor and an educator. All this time, I thought I aspired to conduct. I still do in a way. Because educators do need to know how to conduct so they can communicate non-verbally with their students. But there’s more to it. Educators have an extra goal beyond music preparation. Like Dr. D------ said at last year's Tri-State: “I want you to leave with a pocket full of things to think about.” That was HIS goal for Tri-State. I got SO MANY notes from him. From Dr. R----- as well. Mr. B---? Not as many. He only focused on the music right there in front of him - which is fine! It was great to see him rehearsing! But aside from a few random cool moments, it was mostly playing, replaying and putting into context.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Mr. B---. I LOVE playing his music. The man knows what to do with a euphonium section. I respect him and his opinions and accomplishments… But I’m allowed to have a questioning mind. In fact, I sort of demand it of myself. So long as I know why I disagree, I will disagree. And that’s the only way I can find out what kind of a band director I want to be.

(Overall, I DID agree with Mr. B---. I'm lucky I had a chance to observe him and learn from him.)